One Little Word

I participated in One Little Word last year, where you choose word, or let a word choose you to focus on and make a priority in your thoughts and actions. You can find out more at http://aliedwards.com . Last year my word was RENEW.  For 2012, my word is

Breathe

I am going to try to breathe in my children's hair while they sleep.  Breathe through my anger. Breathe through my grief.  Breathe through my anxiety.  Breathe through fear, breathe out hope. I am going to stop holding my breath about so many things in life, and breathe.  Or at least try to.

Here's to breathing.  Because as long as I do, I have another chance.

A Little Bit of News...

I posted this on facebook today.

That's right, folks!  I finally got up the guts to make it public.  Our rainbow baby will be here in June, if all goes well.  We are extremely excited and beyond nervous.

"Rainbow Babies" are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and much needed hope.

Luke Bear

A few weeks ago, my friend Emalee entered me in a facebook contest.  There are these bears called Molly Bears that are sent to bereaved families for free.  They are weighted to your baby's weight so that you have something to put in your aching arms.  The waiting list is huge.  I was #1553 and they were only in the 400s.  It was going to be over a year wait.  They only have a few bear makers, and each bear is personally made. The person who got the most likes would win the chance to get their Molly Bear right away.  Emalee wrote about my losing Luke on Christmas eve, and how his birthday was coming up.  I didn't win the contest, but I was touched at how many people voted for me.  There were over 160 entries, and I was in the top 10. Then my Aunt Karen donated some money to be entered into a drawing to get me my bear sometime in January, and she won!  I was very excited.  But then the next day, the Tuesday after Christmas, I got this in the mail:

My Luke Bear!!  Bridget, who owns Molly Bears and named it after her stillborn daughter, saw Emalee's entry about me and decided that even though I didn't win, I needed my bear right away.  She mailed it the 19th, hoping it would get to me by Christmas eve.  It didn't quite make it in time, but just the fact that she tried, and that she was so moved by Luke's story, meant so much to me.  And now, my Aunt Karen's win can get my friend Julie her Gracelyn Bear early, so it is blessing one more person.

And isn't the bear so cute?!  It's a micro bear that weighs just about an ounce more than Luke did.  And the angel on his tummy, and the Christmas ribbon - he's just perfect.  I am so grateful to everyone who made it possible.

Christmas

Christmas morning!

Everyone was thrilled with their presents. Here they are with their Santa gifts.

Meghan with "Pop the Pig"

Ethan with his Thundercats sword

Annie with Barbie Mariposa.  She actually asked Santa for a pee-wee Pillow Pet, but Mom and Dad knew Grandma Sharon was getting that. :)

Gracie's Santa gift picture didn't turn out, but she got a big stuffed Brobee doll (from Yo Gabba Gabba).

New outfits from Grandma and Grandpa Wood

 

Then we headed over to Grandma Sharon Pop-Pop's, where they continued to be spoiled.

I got Aaron a smoker (to make barbecue stuff in), and he got me a really nice bench to put up at the cemetery.

Cupcake for Santa

We don't leave cookies for Santa at our house.  We always make a birthday cake for Jesus and leave a piece for Santa. This year, Luke shared his cupcakes with Jesus.  We sang to Jesus, too.  I'm sure he liked it.

Meghan and Annie also left cards and letters and various artwork for Santa.  I'm sure he enjoyed it.

Countdown

Every December 1st, we start our countdown to Christmas.  We did it when I was a kid, and my kids love to do it now. We have a big calendar on the stairs, we count the days, the kids rotate turns choosing a Christmas song, and then they get to pick a Hershey kiss (guessing the color of half the fun).  The only night the kids don't get to pick a song is Christmas eve - we always sing Silent Night.  It seems even more appropriate now that it is Luke's birthday, too.

Christmas Pajamas

I was excited to find matching pajamas for the kids this year.  I can usually find them for the girls, but then they won't work for Ethan, or they don't have his size.  I found these ones in the Lakeside catalog, and they had all of their sizes! I don't think they'll let me do this for much longer, so I'm going to take advantage of it while I can.